Wednesday, 15 May 2013

Tuesday 14th May, 2 days before I'm 32.

Well, on Thursday I turn 32! So why am I torn? Well part of me feels like a teenager who wants to run off and go travelling and see amazing things to tell my children, part of me ( the I'll, fragile part ) feels like I should be in my late seventies. However, the biggest part is just thrilled that I made it another year. To back up....on my 31st birthday I was so I'll I literally had started saying goodbyes to my family and friends. The doctors didn't know why I was so I'll or how to treat me. I was 18kg underweight and frail to the point that breathing was exhausting. But over the last year, I have managed to gain weight up to a healthy 57kg. My body still doesn't work properly and my nausea is still bad but I'm alive.
I've decided that instead of making New Years resolutions I will be making birthday resolutions. This year it will be to try and be more available to my daughters. They have missed out effectively on having a mum because I was just this object of illness in their lives. I want to read, play, love and laugh with them. They are my gift in life and I intend to show them everyday. My oldest starts high school in a year so she needs to have enough self confidence and belief to grow into the young lady she is becoming. My middle daughter is now back at ballet school and has a born talent and she needs my encouragement, love and support to be the ballerina she dreams of becoming. My youngest daughter starts school in September and I need to help her grow into that, give her confidence to make friends and learn. I am so lucky to have such loving children so now I'm starting to recover, my extra strength will be used on them.
I hope you all have someone to love and cherish too. These are my reason to live.